I came to you with PTSD symptoms unable to go out in public on my own, having body tremors 24 hours a day which affected my speech, convulsions at night, nightmares and I was on suicide watch. My days were spent either in bed or on the couch on high alert listening out for danger. I could not do any house chores because if my attention was moved to the task at hand I felt like I was in danger of attack. I had just been prescribed Seroquel (anti-psychotic) and it was a difficult thing to accept as I don't even like taking panadol.
I am sorry I had to put you through 101 questions before I booked in, I was scared about coming to see you, spending money and walking away without any major difference. To be honest, if this didn't work my next step was to kill myself.
You were so gentle but didn't take any rubbish either so I felt like I could trust you a bit. Trust is a major issue for me. I really enjoyed each of the four healing rituals and the way you conducted them with integrity and care. Your huge bear hands on top of my head made the world feel safe. The healings were all so different and being carried by so many people for the Spirit Canoe was incredible. It was amazing to be sent so much love from all of those people, I feel indebted to them.
Throughout my life I would feel so much rage inside of me when I had the convulsions and thought the only way to release it was to have a massive accident or illness and go into a coma, leave my body to get it all out and then come back into my body. Because of the intensity of these emotions I was terrified of the Rock of Emotion and was surprised when I did the process, it wasn't anything to be worried about and it was more effective than I imagined it could be.
Each week I could feel the changes taking place, my confidence in the process and in myself was growing with each step of the way.
The last week I left feeling a new sense of who I am rather than who I was conditioned to be through the sexual assaults. I left Elebanah that day feeling nervously excited about my future and while it is still daunting to know how to go about things it is so wonderful to be able to get out of bed in the morning and stay out of bed. Go grocery shopping for my family on my own again, sleep soundly and not need for prescription drugs.
My trust in relationships and people was also restored during our sessions.
To you Orion, your forest and the people who assisted in the Spirit Canoe process.